Research in the Journal of Sex Research shows that 98% of men and 80% of women fantasize about someone other than their partner during sex.
However, some people will also say: "Is this normal? Is this considered cheating?"
Others think, “I have this fantasy, but I don’t like it, what should I do?”
Why do people think about other people during sex? How do you deal with fantasizing about other people during sex?
Do you fantasize about other people to make sex more passionate?
The Coolidge Effect states that sexual interest in one partner wanes over time and is rekindled with a new sexual partner.
Maybe people get tired of having sex with one person all the time.
By fantasizing about having sex with others, people let themselves go in fantasy and experience happiness that is not available in reality.
So does this count as "emotional infidelity"?
Sexual fantasies do not necessarily equate to emotional infidelity.
The biggest difference between sexual fantasies and emotional infidelity is: emotional infidelity means that you have developed feelings for another person and it is a real person; while sexual fantasies are just to increase your own pleasure and do not fall in love with others, or even that person does not exist.
If when we fantasize about having sex with others, our focus is on our own pleasure, not on who we are having sex with, and there is no specific object, then there is no deception, and it is not considered cheating.
Nonetheless, if you always fantasize about having sex with someone other than your partner, this may be a subconscious reminder that we need to take a closer look at our relationship.
Research shows that fantasizing about someone else during sex may mean your own sex life is less harmonious.
In addition, the survey found that factors that influence women to fantasize about others during sex can be divided into three categories:
1. The first category is whether the couple has had sex outside of marriage. If the wife has had it herself, she is 2.2 times more likely to fantasize about someone else; if her husband has had it, the wife is 77% more likely to fantasize about someone else.
2. The second category is the sexual life satisfaction of couples. Factors such as faking an orgasm, being forced into it, and feeling like the sex was too short can increase the likelihood that your wife will fantasize about someone else.
3. The third factor is satisfaction with one’s own life. If a wife found her life to be very pleasant or relatively pleasant, she was 37% less likely to fantasize about someone else.
The factors that influence men to fantasize about others during sex are similar to women, with relationship issues being particularly notable:
1. If a couple has ever fought, the husband is 53% more likely to fantasize about someone else during sex.
2. If either spouse has an extramarital affair, the probability of the husband fantasizing about someone else will increase by 36% to 45%.
3. If a husband loves his wife very much, the probability of fantasizing about someone else is relatively low.
In short, fantasizing about others during sex, although it does not mean emotional infidelity, is indeed related to the poor sexual quality of the couple's relationship.
What can you do after you have a sexual fantasy?
First of all, if you fantasize about having sex with someone other than your partner, it may mean that there is an emotional problem between you and your partner, so solving the relationship problem is fundamental.
If there are no problems in your relationship and your fantasies are simply due to a lack of sexual attraction, relationship expert Robbie Ludwig suggests:
"Let your imagination run wild and use your fantasies as prompts to tell your partner what you think is sexy (but be aware of two things. It's not necessary to tell your partner that you've been fantasizing about another person, which may make them feel confused and insulted)."
Designing some new and interesting activities, or trying out the content of your sexual fantasies, may warm up your relationship.
Sexual fantasies are not a scourge, and fantasies about having sex with others are understandable and acceptable.
However, while fantasizing, you should also reflect on it. Is what you are fantasizing about what you lack now? How should it be improved?